I don't feel ready and I’m walking up the aisle. Mum's drunk already and I’m walking up the aisle. With the gay host, mum flirts. Trying to flick sick off my shirt, all as I’m walking up the aisle, I wanna run a mile.
Mum’s phone rings and I'm walking up the aisle. Grandma's snoring and I’m walking up the aisle. Can't find the fucking ring! And I'm walking up the aisle. Can't find the fucking ring! Can't find the fucking ring!
When I see my wife to be smile, I know why I’m walking up the aisle. I can't see where I'm going and I’m walking up the aisle. Coz the tears keep flowing as I'm walking up the aisle. Mum's hogging all the photos as I'm walking up the aisle. Loads of people here I don’t know, and I'm walking up the aisle.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Ahhh, I see a man I nearly fucked, as I'm walking up the aisle. Don't worry, he's gay too, he couldn't get it up! As I'm walking up the aisle. Phew! It's a very funny story, now I can never say “I never kissed a Tory!” As I'm walking up the aisle.
I pushed for this wedding coz they do my head in. It was way to shut up those who’d say:
“You're not gay!”
“Connie, you're straight!”
“It's just a phase”
“You ain't a lezzer”
"You just need to meet the right fella!"
Just coz I didn't like the strip club last night, doesn't mean it's men I wanna fuck, all right!
Sit on spunky seats as my bank account depletes? Please!
I'm dreading revealing why my wife to be is now heaving. She is conceiving. As I'm walking up the aisle. Mum, I have something to tell you: My wife is pregnant, in April she's due.
“What?”
“We used a turkey baster.”
“How?”
“From our gay friend donor.”
My dad's in a suit. I am too. If you don't like it, fuck you! As I'm walking up the aisle.
My mother muttered under her breath, as I'm walking up the aisle:
“It should be you in that dress!